I say this with utmost conviction. Blue balls are a pain in the butt.
No, not the literal butt. That’s just a figure of speech. Blue balls have no business with your back side.
You know what? Let’s start with a simple introduction.
Blue Balls: The Beginning
Those with little or no information on the subject should take note. Whenever you hear the phrase “blue balls”, sports should be the last thing you think of.
Why?
Well, research affirms that “blue balls”, a subject of controversy, refer to a groin-related condition with serious symptoms that could be mild or excruciating. Whatever the case, pain severity depends on the amount of harm sustained.
However, “blue balls” is not a literal term. It is informal, a slang. The standard term is Epididymal Hypertension.
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Breakdown Of Epididymal Hypertension
Epididymal Hypertension (yeah, really twists the tongue) springs from two words: epididymis and hypertension.
What is Epididymis?
An epididymis is a long but compressed tubular structure. Located in the scrotum, it is fragile as it is important. Every man has one positioned between his legs, as the organelle is only present in the male genitalia. The structure performs a host of duties that include storage, nourishment, and transportation of genetic materials.
What is Hypertension?
Unlike Epididymis, Hypertension is a possible situation for every gender.
Science explains the term as an asymptomatic condition characterized by high blood pressure. For clarity, an asymptomatic condition is one that exhibits no symptoms. And that particular fact makes hypertension lethal because you might not realize anything wrong. Silence shall be its watchword until you either undergo a blood test or a stroke.
Also, I believe this goes without saying, but I’ll tell you, anyway. Please endeavor to check your blood pressure regularly.
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Definition Of Epididymal Hypertension
Taking cues from the separate descriptions mentioned above, we define Epididymal Hypertension as the rise of pressure caused by a build-up of blood or fluid inside the scrotum, particularly in tissues that surround the epididymis.
Now, I’m not a doctor, but I certainly don’t need to explain why a swell of blood pressure in your “special area” could have dire consequences for your health.
Is Epididymal Hypertension a Serious Health Risk?
Depends on the severity of the pressure.
I do know one thing for certain. This is not a situation you will understand unless you rendezvous with the blues. For your sake, I hope not, for it will be like no encounter you’ve ever had. One that ensures an unwanted transition from comfort to discomfort.
As for the pain? Well, Suffering could learn a thing or two from the trials you will endure.
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What Area(s) Of My Body Is Affected?
The mainly affected area for a case of blue balls is … Well, could I be more obvious?
Rather than spell it out, a foolproof experiment organized by yours truly will offer answers. It only takes half a minute.
Ready?
- Find a private space
- Strip naked
- Roam your hands over your body from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet. However, avoid your groin area
- Examine every body part (minus the restricted area) for any lumps
- Now, reach for your groin. Study each part closely, outline its features
- If you finish and feel no lumps, clearly you are not normal and require immediate medical assistance
- If you feel lumps, delicate and round as eggs … or balls, then you have discovered the area that suffers from Epididymal Hypertension.
NB: Benign growths (lumps) beneath the skin could be a warning sign of cancer. If you feel any lumps in places besides your genitals, kindly visit the nearest clinic for a thorough examination.
Now, let’s discuss the fun bit.
How does one get the blues?
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Blue Balls: The Myth
Myth says, “Men who don’t have regular s3x can develop blue balls.”
Well, it’s no surprise that men are behind this discovery.
And if we are to ignore the concepts of fact and logic, the theory sounds almost … plausible.
However, we are not primates. Our brains are more developed. We have discovered innumerable laws that govern both the universe and our immediate reality. And none of these laws support that fallacy.
Based on personal experience alone, I will tell you “blue balls” is not caused by lack of s3x. Deceitful men use that excuse to lure gullible women into bed. An efficient ploy, I must admit. So infamous it even has a slogan:
“Blue Balls: the Horny Man’s Ultimate Weapon”
However, a scam only lasts so long before exposure. Time has improved the minds of most women, and these days it’s virtually impossible for any random lady (unless she has more beauty than brains) to sleep with a man for the sole reason of “relieving his traumatized balls”.
The horny man has lost his ultimate weapon; he would have to do better to improve his chances.
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Blue Balls: The Reality
According to science, epididymal hypertension results from having an erection for a prolonged amount of time without ejaculating. If you’re having s3x or masturbating, and you get interrupted and are unable to finish, it could lead to blue balls.
Basically, when you are aroused and get an erection, it’s not just your penis that swells. Your testicles do too. Your blood vessels expand, and your blood flows down to fill your s3xual organs.
When you orgasm (or you stop feeling turned on), the blood flows back into the body. But, when you’re highly aroused and can’t do anything about it, the blood remains in your penis and testicles, causing pressure.
It’s that build-up of pressure that causes pain and discomfort. It can even make your balls look slightly bluish in color — hence the name. Although, many people don’t notice a color change at all.
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Symptoms
These include:
- Mild pain
- Discomfort
- A feeling of heaviness
- More pain
Remedy
There isn’t a lot of clinical research about blue balls, and the easiest way to deal with them is to ejaculate. Not so difficult, is it? However, some people say a good old-fashioned cold shower can help, although there is no science to back this up.
If you’re not in a place where you can masturbate or take a cold shower, then try thinking about something non-s3xual to distract your mind. Alternatively, turning to an engaging activity or some exercise might help. As soon as those feelings of arousal go away, so will your blue balls.
Conclusion
Blue balls, when not complicated, is not so severe that it requires a trip to the doctor. The condition usually goes away on its own. Symptoms can be managed with an ice pack or a quick nut (ejaculation). In fact, I must insist you refrain from further delayed ejaculations until you completely heal.
If you have any questions, let us know below.
