You love him so much and cannot imagine your world without him. You met when you were 11 years old and yes, he is your true first love… no,
scratch that, he is your soul-mate.
She tells you that you are the only cockroach in her cupboard and that smile… there is just something about it. How could you live without him? There is just one very minor issue, your family and friends just do not like her.
For some reasons, your parents and siblings have warned you several times that they do not want to see the two of you together.
But why? Everything is normal except for that minor issue… which is not really a big deal.. or is it? Today, we discuss domestic violence, and before you click off this page, yes you… let us find out if you or someone you know is, maybe, a victim of domestic violence…
Domestic violence seems so normal to the victim, until their lives is taken, they often feel or think that the abuser will change or that there is something that they are not doing well that is inciting anger in the abuser.
Starting out, we will be looking at some of the signs that clearly insinuates that you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence.
Let’s get started;
5 Signs you are a victim of domestic violence
If you or any of the persons close to you experience any of the signs below, it is a clear-cut signal that you should take to your heels.
All victims of domestic violence have one or two reasons to not quit their abusive relationship.
Sadly, most victims do not leave to tell the story, the others that are victors always leave with a scar and funny enough, The choice to quit an abusive relationship is solely dependent on the victim, you can only help them understand the situation they are caught up in, you can’t make them leave.
it’s a decision they have to make on their own.
Having said all that, let’s take a look at some of the signs that you are a victim of domestic violence.
1. They always disrespect and insult you in front of others or privately
Does he always talk down at you or is the the way she bosses you around in when every your friends are over? Usually when in a relationship where there is a lack of respect, sometimes there can be more to it.
Traditionally, women are expected to be subservient to their male partners, but when you notice that your lover is out to always disrespect you publicly, all the times, along with a constant dose of public humiliation, there can be more than meets the eyes, perhaps you are getting too comfortable with being a victim of domestic violence.
Domestic violence in Africa and specifically in Nigeria have included instances of violence, brutal beatings, hitting, torture, pouring acid on their lovers, rape, starvation, poisoning and death and suicide.
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2. Are they always threatening you?
Threats could come in the form of a lover letting you know they are going to leave you the next time you make them angry and as grave as them telling you that they will kill you.
The several nuances in between both extremes should be a red flag that you are a victim of domestic violence, regardless of how harmless your beloved might sound.
It is only a matter of time before they follow through with their threats, when threats become the order of the day and you are constantly reminded by such threats, this is certainly not love.
3. You are always afraid you will make them upset with you
Has your beloved suddenly turned into a dropout from the school of Anger management. When you first got together, they were very charismatic, charming, and yes, very endearing. But when you got serious, you noticed the temper, slowly increasing in temperature live a dry hot day in Dutse.
Your presence alone is enough to make them go off like a timed-bomb even if you are yet to utter a word and in most cases, it ends up always being your fault. You can quickly tell when you have to always apologize, all the times.
Another point to note when considering if you are victim of domestic violence is if your lover’s temperate changes whenever they are around you.
4. They do not like you spending time with others (or anyone else)
Before you met, you were a social bee and said hello to everyone and everything but now you feel secluded and isolated. Your lover seemed fine with your socialite personality, in fact, they may have told you for a fact that this is why they fell in love with you in the first place.
Now suddenly, they have become very jealous when you talk to your friends of the same gender and would seem uneasy when you are on the phone with friends of the opposite gender.
When you ask for time out with your friends, you are told, NO, repeatedly, even if you seldom go out these days anymore.
You even try to compromise with advance notice of an impending hang-out with your friends and yet and again, you seem to stir up your relationship every time you insist on spending time with friends.
In some cases, they would not even want you to spend time with your family. These are indications of domestic violence.
5. Your partner is abusive
Physical, sexual, verbal, emotional or mental abuse is an indication of trouble. If you find that you are constantly being beating, or called names that you have indicated you would rather not be associated with, then it is time to reconsider if you are a victim of domestic violence or not.
Does your partner feel the need to talk down at your like a child? Bruises on the body, cuts on the victims, swollen faces and a black eye are usually signs of physical abuse. In certain rural parts of Nigeria, in fact, there is an elevated cultural tradition that it is ok for men to hit their women.
Domestic violence is real and have led to the untimely death of its victims. Domestic violence happens in all types of relationships either in dating or marital relationships so it is important to get help right away, if you or your loved one feel you are a victim of domestic violence. Here are some ways to get help:
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Help for victims of domestic violence
First on our list is the Lagos State Domestic Violence agency, a collection of professional service providers and Government officials that respond to the various needs of domestic violence victims and survivors.
Seek counselling and help from counselling or religious centers.
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Plan to leave
Quietly plan your exit.
Talk to your friends and family
Relate to your closest friends and family the situation and seek advice from them.
If you are a victim of domestic violence or you just want to be educated about the subject matter, below are some informational videos on Domestic Violence:
The video gives an overview of what domestic violence is, how the victim can get help and the ways to survive.
Click to watch
If you watched the video, you must have learned a thing or two about domestic violence, ways to handle it, and the resources to go to for help.
To add to this, your life matters to your kids, parents, and every one around you.
Speak up to people that you know can be of great help to you.
Domestic violence has taken a lot of lives, and we do not want to hear another bitter story.
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