s3x is one of the perks of being in a relationship. But what if you don’t want the emotional jargon and sentiments that come with relationships? Well, worry not.
The custodians of shina have come up with a new one.
Friends with benefits!
While it isn’t particularly a new concept, many people might have forgotten or abandoned it to adopt the more aloof version. Hookup culture.
There has to be a way that mutually consensual s3x is more empathetic and respectful while eliminating accountability and emotional attachment right?
Well, friends with benefits might be your answer.
What really is Friends with Benefits
A friends-with-benefits relationship is where two individuals are physically intimate with each other without any emotional brouhaha.
What this basically means is that, if you are in a friends-with-benefits relationship, all you do with your partner is explore s3x without any expectation of emotional support or accountability.
Origin of friends with benefits
As usual, Hollywood graced us with this phrase. We obviously cannot say they started the entire concept, because y’all know you’ve been deep into shina since the beginning of time.
What we can say though, is that they sort of defined it and maybe developed the rules.
The first movie that comes to mind when thinking of this concept would be the 2011 film ‘Friends with Benefits’ starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake.
But way before then, a 1995 song titled Head over feet, is the origin of the phrase. Although the character was talking about a romantic relationship with a close friend, the phrase soon became something else.
In 1997, an internet user known as Squeaker Munchkin asked, “How do you classify a relationship of sleeping with your best friend? Is this a ‘best friends with benefits’ thing, or a ‘non-relationship’…or an unofficial relationship that could become something better?”
By the late 90s, the term Friends with benefits was established as a way to describe friends who are having casual s3x. The movies ‘No strings attached’ and the popular ‘Friends with benefits’ in the early 2000s, further enabled the use of the word.
SEE: 6 Signs He is a Woman Wrapper
This is where it gets interesting
It would be great to note that, in all of these movies mentioned above, let’s just say the unattached strings still get tangled.
And for very obvious reasons.
Many people just find someone attractive and skip right to the good part without discussing the intricacies of the kind of relationship they desire. A complex-simple relationship such as friends with benefits requires rules and discussions to manage the expectations of both parties.
You don’t want a situation where you mismanage the other person’s emotions because of failure to communicate. That, my dear, is how people end up in ‘situationships’ and get heartbroken from relationships they never had.
Talmbout “we were together but not together”. Sis, please!
And it’s really funny, because even full-fledged romantic relationships have some ground rules, so why should you?
READ: Side Chicks: The Problematic Third Wheel
Rules to guide a Friends with Benefits Relationship
Communicate clearly
This is probably the most important rule of thumb. Every other rule falls under this.
It is important that you communicate your feelings, wants, and expectations from your arrangement. Discuss the nature of your arrangement openly and honestly right from the start. Also, continue to have open conversations about it throughout the duration of your relationship.
This will help both parties avoid confusion, hurt feelings, and misread signals.
READ: How To Spot A Gigolo
Agree on Duration
Discuss this at the beginning of your arrangement.
Setting a specific date to end your arrangement is a great way to manage expectations.
You can both decide if it’s for a certain amount of time or set to terminate once one of you finds a long-term connection.
Of course, you can always decide to renew membership.
Be Clear About Additional Casual s3xual Partners
This sort of relationship can get tricky, which is why you need to look at it from all angles. The relationship is not particularly monogamous, therefore there’s a possibility one person might prefer multiple partners.
Discuss how you want to manage that and if it’s okay with all persons involved.
You also want to take into consideration your s3xual health if one person prefers to keep multiple partners.
SEE: Things You Should Never Tell Your Girlfriend
Be considerate and emphatic
Even if you are avoiding accountability and emotional entanglements, this person is still your friend. It’s literally in the name: ‘friends with benefits’. You still need to be kind and considerate to your partner.
If you are trying to set boundaries and draw a line, there are kind ways to do so.
The friends-with-benefits label is not an excuse to throw up your hands and say, “We’re not dating, so I’m not responsible for this!”
You are not dating, but you are friends and as such, you should be kind and considerate toward your partner. Besides, you have seen their nakedness, so that gives you some responsibility.
RELATED ARTICLE: Things You Should Never Say To Your Boyfriend
Stop if it stops being fun
I mean, isn’t that the point? Exploring new things together. Taking risks and just making the most out of your relationship.
When it stops being fun, know that it’s time to stop.
Especially if you are trying it for the first time. Friends-with-benefits relationships have the potential to leave a person feeling unfulfilled or even used in a s3xual relationship that doesn’t have a deep emotional component.
The moment you notice you have such thoughts or feelings, know it’s time to end it all.
Truth is, not everyone has the potential to manage a s3xual relationship with no deeper feelings or emotional connections.
So, if it’s not for you, kindly bounce and bounce fast!
SEE ALSO: How To Find A Husband: Quick Tips to Landing Your Dream Man
In conclusion: Still no strings attached?
With all these rules, can we still say there are no strings attached? It still requires some sort of connection after all, and connections have strings.
However, just like any other relationship, the rule remains; Be kind, be kind, communicate, and be kind.
Kindness is key!
You can very easily work through anything as long as you are kind and you communicate.
