Who doesn’t want to be a rich aunty? I mean who identifies as female and doesn’t want to be rich? But you see rich aunties? They have special honour in the family.
And this honour, just like a coin, has two sides. On one, they are loved and respected by the younger generation. And on the other side, there is disdainful reverence from the older generation, especially the women, because another woman dared to be brave.
Whatever the older generation might think, rich aunties are here to stay and we love it for us. Because who else is going to sponsor the ridiculous things we want to buy with another person’s money? Or whose used iPhone will we inherit?
In case you were in doubt, this writer is on Team Rich Aunty all the way.
Anyway, if you are wondering what being a rich aunty entails, and how to know if you are finally getting to rich aunty level, keep reading. We will show you all you need to know about being a rich aunty.
All You Need to Know About Being a Rich Aunty
It is a mindset
To be a rich aunty, you need to carry yourself with a certain energy. Your aura must ooze confidence and audacity. How else are you going to ignore those older women in the family when they ask you when you are getting married?
And how else do you plan to give the rudest, most shocking responses to their nosy questions? Please and please, fix your mindset first, that is the most important thing.
You have started travelling all over the world
All over the world could be Ghana or Togo, but who cares? The important thing here is that you take madass pictures and bring souvenirs.
Don’t just take madass pictures; ensure you post them in strategic places where the older aunties will see them. Perhaps on the family group chat by mistake.
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You must own a startup
Ahn Ahn! Rich aunty pro max. You must own a start up or even if it’s a business. You are making your money and no longer asking your parents for funds.
Rich aunty all the way! The downside to this though is that you should expect serious billing from those before and after you.
You should own your car
Not just any car, a SUV. At this point, nobody needs to tell you that you are rich again sis. But you need to keep up with the fake humility. You don’t want your opps finding out that you have money.
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You are a feminist
You just have to be; it’s in the rich aunty’s manual. Because how else do you want to argue that you don’t need a man to feel complete? Or speak up against internalised s3xism in the family.
You are a grassroot agitator dear. You need to own it.
You have sleek wigs
When you move to the left, your hair follows. When you bounce to the right, it bounces with you. Not those ones that stay on people’s heads like local sponge and refuse to flow with the wind.
Another thing to note here is that you are willing and able to dash the wig out.
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Your favorite word is ‘take it’
Whenever younger ones in the family ask questions about any material thing. Like wigs, shoes, phones, laptops and all that, your automatic answer is ‘you like it, take it’. Or my personal favorite: ’I’ll get you one next week”.
Just know that rich auntiness has sat you down and said ‘You! I will make your life my abode’.
You are unmarried
In the grand scheme of things, this is so important! One uncle cannot be frustrating our efforts by telling you to learn to be frugal.
Frugal for what? If you are married, ensure it’s to a rich uncle so that the equation can stay balanced. Thank you!
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You are in tune with the rich aunty fashion
Every now and then, they have this look, the Rich Aunties Association (RAA). Some months it will be this…
Other months it’s this, changing based on what is in vogue. But either way, you happen to know them and flow with them.
You are definitely on your way to becoming a rich aunty.
You should not have your own kids
Rich aunty, that’s the name. It is literally in your title. You need to ensure that you are an aunty and that’s all.
We don’t want to compete with cousins, we know who you will pick. Furthermore, we need people who have broken down the barriers of patriarchy in the family for us.
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Just in case we decide we are not having kids, we need a good reference please.
Rich Aunties: In conclusion…
If you look into any of these traits, and you find them in yourself, then congratulations, you are well on your way to rich auntism.
Please let me know if you are adopting nieces. It will be nice to get to know you ma.
