When Sam Fisher said ‘This city’s gonna break my heart, this city’s gonna love me then leave me alone’, he was definitely talking about Lagos.
If Lagos was a person, she’d be that toxic friend. The one who makes you feel terrible about yourself after spending time with her. But you cannot let her go because you’ve known her since childhood.
Every time you come out of your comfort zone for her, she bites you, chews you up, spits you out, then runs over you. She and her little minions; traffic, pollution, violence, brutality, zemblanity, irritation, and my personal favorite, jungle justice.
You will get easily deceived by her, trust me. You’d think she is the most sociable as she welcomes everyone, irrespective of age, tribe, religion, or nationality… she even opens up her trade zone to all of you.
But what you don’t know is that Lagos holds your secrets. She keeps them tight in her palms and trades them for silver, gold, and investment dealings. The things that attracted you to her in the first place.
But you can never leave her, no. You are forever glued to her thinking she made you, meanwhile, everything she is, is just because of you.
Lagos: The loved-hated city
If you are not convinced, I’d show you 7 reasons she is the definition of toxicity.
1. Lagos Never Sleeps
A testament to her wickedness, because you know what the Bible says about the wicked. This city is alive at all times, both day and night.
And just like that wayward child, it forces you to be awake too.
Lagos feeds you with opportunities at night; night market, which supposedly comes with cheaper goods; night drivers, to transport goods from other states into her coffers; night auditors, overnight nannies, and night clubs. Night! Night! Night!
She takes away your sleep at night in exchange for money that she gets back from you during the day.
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2. Lagos Promises and Fails
Remember how you came here with high hopes and dreams, because she promised you luxury? You saw one of her chosen ones riding big cars and living in penthouses, and you thought you wanted to be just that. So you packed your bags and ran towards her like she was the savior on the cross, leaving all you knew in hopes that she’d be your saving grace.
What you didn’t know is that she calls many and chooses few. She invites all with her bright lights and glitter, then handpicks those she wants to use to market herself.
And for those who weren’t chosen, it’s an unending cycle of toil and hope.
3. Lagos is Bipolar
One minute you’d think you are her favorite, the next minute she has unleashed all of her minions on you. At once.
She does things on impulse and you can never be sure of what she’ll spring on you next.
One day, you own a bike-hailing app and you are doing well, paying her taxes and making her happy. Ensuring her many get to work on time so they can make her pay more taxes and keep her happy. And the next day, she orders all bikes to be cleared off the streets, ruining your sleep and source of income.
Then she goes ahead and creates a new opportunity for you to thrive.
She doesn’t care about the emotional roller coasters you have just gone through; she just does as she pleases and tells you ‘It’s all for the good of the state’.
4. Lagos Abandons You for New Friends
Lagos is always ready to welcome new people and that is not a bad thing. Till she abandons you stark in the middle of a conversation and gives her attention to the next shiny thing that walks in through the door.
I mean, she told us she wanted agriculture and natural resources till tech walked in through the door, and then boom! It’s out with the old and in with the new.
It makes you mad, cause you love tech too. You want to be friends with tech cause tech is cool. Why can’t Lagos just be friends with you and tech?!
But that’s what she does. Always playing with new, shiny things.
See also: Best Areas to Build or Own a House in Lagos
5. Lagos is a Drunk
This is probably what you hate the most about her. Her drinking. And oh, she doesn’t get drunk on wine. No, not her.
She gets drunk on blood, tears, and sweat. She gets drunk on watching you toil for peanuts all day.
Lagos allows her minions to feast on you and then throws you crumbs for all your sacrifices. She releases them daily – her minions. You never know what you get; you can only hope you do not fall victim to jungle justice on a day she’s really thirsty.
Her favorite blend on those days is blood, fire, and tires. Sometimes she takes it with crushed flesh and a bit of engine oil, and other times she just sips off the ground from a hole made from bullets. Just like she did on the night of 20, October 2020.
6. Lagos is Impatient Beyond Belief
She is always in a hurry! She does not understand the concept of slow living. Lagos wants everything and she wants it now.
Lagos is always running against time, and she doesn’t care who is in her way.
It’s funny how she doesn’t take time into consideration while building her infrastructure though, that could take her years.
But when it comes to grabbing things that she wants within sight, she is always on the move.
She just never rests!
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7. Lagos is Very Narcissistic
Profoundly self-absorbed, she believes she is better than everyone else and she has successfully made everyone believe it too.
She believes she deserves all the attention, privileges, and special treatment she gets. Lagos seeks to control every and everything, which is why she has made herself the economic capital of Nigeria. She who controls the funds obviously controls the nation.
We run to her because of this wealth and we are unable to leave because we give her too much credence.
Lagos will put you down, and lift you up. She will chew you up, spit you out and clean you up. All at her own will.
On a final note
We all are in a toxic relationship with this city. Those who do not have her want her and those who do, cannot let her go. We can only hope to be part of the people she favors and draws into her inner circle.
At least, till her rival, Abuja invites us or her favorite enemy ‘Japa’, paves the way out for us.
RELATED: The Japa Syndrome: Where is Everybody Running To?
Till then my comrades, stay strong while we all continue this rat race for our daily living.
