As human beings, we all express and receive love differently. Some of us prefer to be loved with words, our bodies or through gift-giving. This is known as a love language.
You must learn these languages because they guide you on the kind of person your partner or friend is.
What is a love language?
Love language refers to the way that a person prefers to express love and receive it from a partner. The term is often used generally to refer to many different methods of expressing love.
The love languages were first introduced by marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman in 1992.
There has been a lot of word about love languages and also a lot of conflicts. Your partner may not feel loved because you’re not showing them how they preferred to be loved.
One important thing to note is that a love language is not restricted to partners alone.
Your friends and family also have love languages. For the sake of peace and a smooth relationship, it is mandatory you learn and try to respond to the appropriate ways of love.
Types of love languages
As highlighted in Gary’s book, there are five languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
Words of affirmation
This love language is all about expressing yourself in words; it can be through spoken words, written or text messages.
This could be your love language if you prefer hearing how much you’re loved or appreciated. The key to using words of affirmation is to be your authentic true self and express them often. Be mushy!
If you have trouble expressing yourself out loud, write a note or send a text. What matters is that you acknowledge them through words.
Apart from showing love to your lover, you can send it to a friend.
Examples of words you can say include;
- I love you.
- I am very proud of you
- You mean so much to me
- I am lucky to have you in my life.
- Thank you for all that you do
If you want to be extra romantic, you can read a poem to them. Make sure you choose your words carefully, so they will not forget them.
Quality time is about gracing your partner or friend with your presence.
A person whose love language is quality time may feel most loved when people make time to be together and give their undivided attention. Examples of these include watching a favorite television show together, having a date night every month, or creating a ritual, like meeting for lunch once a week or working out together.
This differs for everyone; someone could value time spent alone, and some love sharing an activity both love to do. But no matter what you’re doing, quality time requires being completely present and free of distractions. So put the phone away and focus on your partner!
People with this love language want a physical touch or for you to express and receive love through physical contact. Touch is the way they connect and feel connected with others. To do this, remember that you need to have consent.
Physical contact might be your love language if you feel lonely when you don’t get physical with your partner. It could also be if you love public displays of affection. Example of expression through physical touch includes kissing your partner or prioritizing regular sex.
Note that expressing affection through physical touch can happen through small physical gestures, like a hug or snuggling. It doesn’t have to be generally sex.
Acts of service
This could be your language if you consider actions greater than words. By actions, this means doing selfless, thoughtful things for the other person.
Remember that these things don’t need to be romantic; friends and family relationships can benefit from these acts.
There are different ways you can express this; examples include; picking up their favorite food, cleaning out their room, help them out with their assignments. It could be anything!
Okay, let’s clarify something; just because you like this love language doesn’t mean that you’re a gold digger.
For someone with this love language, it goes way beyond just wanting gifts. They want thoughtful gifts. You’ll know when that is your love language if you put effort into gift-giving or you treasure everything given to you whether big or small.
You can surprise them with roses, jewelry, and shoes, or better still get personalized gifts for them.
Conclusion on love language
These five love languages provide a great framework for understanding your relationships and each other. Everyone has a different way of communicating their love and defection. These languages should be able to guide you to understand each other and even better it makes the relationship much better.
So, learn about their love language and love them according to it!