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Spec: Why Do We All Have It?

What do you call someone who you would most likely want to have a romantic relationship with? Yes, it’s called a spec!

Have you ever thought about it that sometimes the way that we think makes us believe lies that eventually make us channel our expectations in the wrong light? It is human nature, after all.

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Spec! Spec!

Spec - battabox.com

A spec is a person that I would prefer to ask me out.

Everyone has a spec. Some of us have it built more on the mental side, while some swing more to the physical, because, let’s be honest, dating nowadays is like going out to shop with a mental list. Some even go on dating sites to explore their specs.

Everyone has a list that they want people to check before they can think of having a relationship. Girls usually want tall men with chiseled chests and large bank accounts. Men usually want girls with slim-thick bodies and who are very flexible.

Yes, don’t argue it.

SEE: How do I tell a guy that I like him?

The problem with having a spec


Having a spec is not necessarily a bad thing; after all, it just lets us know what we want in potential partners. The problem, however, is that sometimes the list is endless and most of the time, not realistic.

Let’s be honest. Most of the things on your list are focused on physical appearances. We all want our partners to look a certain way; maybe because we want our children to be very beautiful, or because we want to have a sense of accomplishment or popularity because of the person.

The problem is that most people who got our dating list are not right from us. They either have one problem or the other.

Let’s take, Sarah for example, who loves dark and tall men with six figures in their bank account. She meets Fred who fits everything. Get this, Fred also loves short petite women with amazing bodies. Sarah is that kind of woman. 

They seem compatible, right?

Unfortunately, Sarah is very insecure and often craves validation from her partners. She often feels that no one loves her and needs to be verbally reminded that someone cares for her. Fred is not that kind of person; he doesn’t love to talk about his feelings and would rather show his interest in her by having s3x with her. They fight and fight, but yet still stay together because they fit each other’s ‘spec’.

See the problem right there?

We all do this unconsciously, and not just in physical relationships alone; it also applies to jobs and other aspects of life. Some people are stuck working jobs that are slowly killing them simply because it fits into their worldview of “perfect”.

SEE: Easiest Ways to Lose Your Job

Is it right to have a spec?

With all that’s been said above, I know you may be asking, “Is it right to have a spec?

Which should weigh more in writing a spec list, the mental or physical? Also, are people who do not have a list of what an ideal life partner should look or act like making a mistake too? 

I’ll be honest with you. I don’t know. It’s right to have attributes that your partner should have; however, don’t dwell too much on it. You’d end up getting disappointed.

The top of your list should be “love and respect” If you’re in a relationship with someone, they must love you from the depth of their heart and respect you. It’s not about the pillow talk or the titillating moments of s3x. Love is not focused on the number of gifts showered or the hours they can go in the bedroom. 

Let’s be realistic.

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Now I know that you may not listen and may probably roll your eyes at all that has been said but hey! keep that list. It’s not a crime to have it; however, do not focus too much on physical appearance!

Remember that someone could hide their dirty laundry with a lot of riches, makeup, and well, charm. 

Oluwatoyin Odunuyi
Oluwatoyin Odunuyihttps://linktr.ee/ToyinAjua
Oluwatoyin Eria-Ajua Odunuyi resides in the bustling city of Lagos, Nigeria. In 2020, she received a BSc in Mass communication from Caleb University and specialized in print journalism. Toyin loves to write romance novels because she is obsessed with living in a never-ever-land and often lives through her books. She presently owns a 5-year blog called "An Inclusive Kind world" where she speaks on Autism and society's role in pushing for awareness and inclusion.