Finding the Right Words: What to Say When Someone Dies

Losing someone we love can be heart-wrenching for everyone, but knowing what to say when someone’s loved one dies is one way to relieve grief.

People react differently to the death of a loved one, and some find it difficult to express themselves adequately. However, even though there’s no perfect thing to say, expressing your condolences and comforting the bereaved can help ease their pain.

What to say when someone dies depends on various factors, including your relationship with the deceased, the grieving person, and their beliefs and customs. It is essential to remember some general guidelines on what to say and how to say it to comfort those mourning.

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What to Say When Someone Dies 

While there is no definitive guideline on what to say to someone grieving, offering some form of condolence is generally considered crucial. The weight of a loss can be crushing for those who are mourning. Therefore, recognizing the demise is an effective method of demonstrating your sympathy.

Here are some things you shouldn’t forget when addressing someone who just lost a loved one:

1. Acknowledge the Loss

Knowing what to say when someone dies unexpectedly may not come to you as quickly as you think, but here is one thing you shouldn’t forget,  acknowledge the loss. 

Recognizing the loss demonstrates that you’re aware of what happened and that you’re there to provide support. 

Consider saying, ‘I am so sorry for your loss,’ ‘It’s so sad to hear about your loss,’ or ‘I cannot imagine what you’re going through.’ These statements display empathy and open the door for further conversation. 

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2. Stay Away from Cliches

While it’s tempting to resort to the usual cliches when dealing with death, people often find them hollow and unhelpful. Keep in mind that phrases like “it’s God’s plan,” “they’re in a better place now,” and “time heals all wounds” can come across as inconsiderate and minimize the value of the grief-stricken person’s feelings.

Instead of relying on these trite phrases, ask the person how they’re doing, think about the feelings they might be going through, and offer your support wherever possible.

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3. Be Specific

We know it’s difficult to know exactly what to say when someone dies, but offering specific condolences can be more helpful and thoughtful than a general statement. Words like ‘I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers,’ ‘I will call to check in on you,’ or ‘I’m available if you need someone to talk to,’ 

Demonstrate that you’re concerned and willing to help. If you haven’t experienced grief, ‘I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know that I am here for you’ can be a powerful way to offer support without pretending to understand feelings you’ve never had.

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4. Share positive memories

Celebrating your loved one’s life is a powerful way of bringing comfort to a grieving person. Sharing positive memories of the deceased and what they meant to you can help the person focus on happier moments. 

It’s not always about what you say when someone dies. What you do matters too. Sharing a happy memory of the deceased, like ‘I remember when he/she always had a joke to tell,’ or ‘We had such a fun time when we went on a trip together’ can bring a smile to a crying friend or relative’s face. 

Moreover, it reminds them that their loved one impacted people positively, which can help with long-term healing. 

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5. Help them

Aside from knowing the right words to say when someone dies unexpectedly, offering practical help can go a long way in helping your grieving friends cope with the pain. Asking if there are specific things you can do can be beneficial. 

Everyone grieves differently, and some people may be too overwhelmed to identify their needs, but actively engaging can help them feel less alone. It might be offering to cook meals, doing their laundry, or picking up groceries. All these are amazing ways of showing your love or offering your support to that friend grieving.

6. Listen

Sometimes, the best thing you can say when someone dies is nothing at all. If the person wants to talk, listening non-judgmentally can help them process their grief. 

Avoid offering advice or trying to solve their problem, as this can come across as dismissive. While listening, acknowledge their feelings, and validate their pain by saying things like ‘That must be so hard for you,’ or ‘I’m here, and I’m listening.’

7. Be Patient

Keep in mind that the grieving process is not linear, and there’s no set timetable for mourning. Some people take years to come to terms with a loved one’s death.

It may take a while for some people to talk about their feelings. While waiting for them, writing them a quote of condolence or sending a card with the right message is one good way to help them heal.

It’s essential to offer support in the long term and be patient with the person as they journey through their grief. Remember, nothing can erase or fix the grief, but a supportive presence and listening ear can ease the burden. 

8. Be respectful of their beliefs or customs

Knowing what to say when someone dies will help you uphold and respect the beliefs and customs of the bereaved because different people have different beliefs about death and grief.

For example, in the Islamic religion, When a Muslim dies, a customary grieving phase lasts for three days. When visiting to offer condolences, family and friends can bring presents like this dried fruit and nut basket, a cookie dish, gourmet loaves of bread, or reheatable dinners.

When offering condolences or attending a funeral, it’s essential to be respectful of the grieving person’s beliefs or customs. This will help you say or do the right thing when offering your condolences.

This includes respecting their wishes about mourning rituals, engaging in appropriate behaviour, dressing appropriately, and avoiding insensitive jokes or comments.

How to give Condolences to a Person whose Parent has Died

When expressing sympathy to someone who has lost a parent, it’s recommended to do so in person as it creates a more personal connection. However, other options such as phone calls, texting, emails, social media, or sending a card or gift via mail are also acceptable. 

It’s important to consider your relationship with the bereaved person when choosing a condolence message. While a coworker may not have a prior connection with the deceased, a niece or nephew may have a closer relationship and more to express. 

Examples of how to approach these situations are outlined below.

Condolences Messages for someone that lost a Father

If your close friend has lost their father, you may have had a relationship with their parents at some point. Therefore, a more personal message may be in order. Below are some examples of what to say when someone or a friend loses a father 

• “I am so sorry to learn about your dad’s passing. I know you must be devastated, but I wanted you to know I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m available to help whenever needed. Just let me know.”

• “I’m so sorry about your father. I remember [describe memories or events you had with their father]. He will be greatly missed.”

• “I’ll always remember your dad as a very caring relative. He loved so many people and brought out the best in everyone. I’ll miss him so much. Let me know if there’s any way I can help you.”

• “I’m so sorry to hear about your dad’s death. Your father was one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, and I was lucky to know him. I’ll miss him greatly.”

• “I was sorry to hear about your father’s passing. Please accept my sincerest condolences. Please let me know if I can do anything for you and your family.” “We at [company name] want to offer our condolences for the loss of your father.”

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Condolences Messages, or Quote to someone that lost a Mother 

Sometimes it may be difficult to know what to say when someone dies, especially a friend or an acquaintance’s mother. The best condolence messages after the death of a mother are similar to those sent after the death of a father (as explained in the previous section).

When expressing or writing a condolence message, using appropriate pronouns like mum, mother, etc is crucial. 

• “I am so sorry to hear about your mother’s death. I know this is a difficult time, so please let me know if there is anything I can do to make things easier. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.”

• “I am so sorry to hear about your mother’s death. Her passing is a great loss for everyone in the family. If you need anything, please let me know.”

• Your mother’s endearing legacy is carried on through you.

• “Your mother was loved by everyone she met. Her loving and caring spirit will be missed by many. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.”

• “There is no one in this world quite like your mother. She was a special person and will be with you always. I am here to talk if you need it, and please let me know if you need anything else.”

• “Your mother was so proud to have you as a son/daughter. I hope you can find some comfort in the love she had for you and shared with those around you.”

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Condolences Quotes when someone Dies 

In case you’re finding it difficult to draft a text message for a friend or family member who is grieving, here are some condolence quotes that can help you send a positive message to someone grieving.

• “Words can’t express how saddened we are to hear of your loss.”
• “I can’t even fathom how much this hurts. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
• “May the memory of [insert name] bring you comfort and peace.”
• “Today and always, may loving memories bring you peace, comfort, and strength.
• “My heart is with you in your time of sorrow.”
• “Wishing you peace and strength during this difficult time.”
• I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you.”
• “I won’t pretend to know how you’re feeling. I’m always here if you want to talk.
• “You’re not alone. I’m here to be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to anything that you may want to share.”
• “My heart goes out to you for the loss of your dear friend. I know how much she meant to you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
• “May the sorrow you feel in your heart lighten by the love that surrounds you.”
• “I’m missing [insert name] along with you. With heartfelt condolences.”
• “Please accept my heartfelt sympathies for your loss.”
• “I am here to let you know that I am thinking of you. I am sorry for your loss.”

FAQs for What To Say When Someone Dies

Losing someone, a friend, a grandma, or an uncle is one of the most challenging experiences we can face in life. Knowing what to say when someone dies can help provide comfort to the grieving person. The most important thing to keep in mind is to acknowledge the loss, show empathy and be specific with your condolences. 

Furthermore, remind the person that you’re there for them, be respectful of their customs, and be patient with them as they grieve. Everyone grieves differently, and there’s no perfect way to comfort someone who has lost a loved one. Still, these tips can help ease the burden and provide comfort to those experiencing a loss.

Need help with more quotes or messages of condolences? Do leave us a comment and we will be glad to help.