There is a good reason why you should ask for help often, check out my story and you won’t hold back anymore from asking for help when you are stranded
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I am a lady in my twenties, and I’ve had a series of accommodation issues. From days in the University to days after that and even beyond.
I am also shy and very reluctant just like some people to request help from people especially if they have come to my aid before. But I think I know better now
Sometimes it is so humiliating, you feel like disappearing after making the request. Yeah, I felt that way many times, but I survived right? I even discovered something good about asking for help and I’m going to share it with you.
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My Story
I have stayed with lots of people for free especially when I need to move to a new town for some kind of work or school or maybe an event
No, I’m not talking about passing the night and leaving the next day’s visit that won’t choke anyone. I’m talking about weeks, months, or even a year of giving someone a discomfort she didn’t ask for.
You never really know what a roof over your head is until you don’t have it.
So I was to take a course in another city far from my home. This course was so important to me and it was free. More like a lifetime opportunity to scale up.
And I didn’t have a place to stay
Why it is so Hard to Ask for Help?
I didn’t want to be on the streets, but after I had checked my account and I certainly knew that renting a house would finally lead me to the streets anyway. Since I won’t have spare money to sustain it or feed it.
So I needed to ask for help
Many people find it difficult to ask for help, especially emotional help. They see it more like begging or begging for attention (which they need) and their ego is shattered whenever they ask.
Other people like me, hate not having what I need, and I’m so shy and careful of rejection that asking for help is almost a bad idea when I’m in helpless situations.
Here are some other reasons why I don’t like to ask for help however, I’ve learned that many of these fears never really happen
I Don’t Want to be Seen as Vulnerable
Many people like me feel vulnerable when asking for help, they feel telling other people about their problems and struggles is very humiliating. They feel being vulnerable is dehumanizing and under.
But this is false!
Being vulnerable is a strength, it takes courage to acknowledge that you have a problem that you need someone to help you solve.
One helpful thing about being vulnerable is that it’s sincere and sincerity encourages community and deepens relationships
So next time you want to hold back because of the fear of being vulnerable, go ahead and ask for help anyway, you’re a strong man. If that person gossips you, then you realize that the person is not worth it anyway
I Don’t Want to be a Burden
Oohh… Yeah, I always held back asking for help especially for accommodation because I thought about the stress the person will have to go through to keep me.
Sometimes, I can’t bear being such a burden and I never ask.
But guess what? If you have the right character and you can fit into the person’s life, you’ll never be seen as a burden. Your friends may even be delighted to help.
Sometimes we amplify our needs and feel nobody can put up or help us out of this. However, you should try asking for help. Your friends or anyone may not have a perfect answer but they can lead to someone who does, just like in my case.
I Don’t Want to be Gossiped About
Nobody wants his story to be in the headlines of street discussions. But what if it happens? What if you’re gossiped about?
Nothing else happens anyway.
Your neighbours ain’t gonna put food on your table are they? Or is their gossip going to help your trauma?
Gossip and gossip won’t help anyone. So stop listening to them.
Get on and ask for help, except if you’re certain it’s a zero output, still you can try.
I’m Scared of Rejection
This is the part where I come in, I dread rejection. I don’t like to hear ‘I’m sorry I can’t help you or ‘Miss, my hands are tied’
But when I truly need help and am scared of rejection I remember two things.
1. No one is going to kill me asking for his help, the most are to deny me your help
2. The only way to be certain you can’t help me is to ask.
With this, I could ask for help
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Benefits of Asking for Help
Back to my story
So I went through my contacts and wrote a list of people who I thought could likely help. Then I exhaled and with courage, I began to reach them.
As I spoke with them I discovered a lot of things
When you ask for help the testimony doesn’t just end with you receiving help, there are other benefits I’ve noticed about asking for help. Maybe you can seek to notice them too.
It Deepens Relationships
After asking for help from an old schoolmate, she spoke with her family and they let me stay with them. Now I know her family well and I’ve become a part of it.
Asking for help can turn your neighbour into your best friend. Maybe you never know how kind she is until you ask her to keep your kids while you go on an errand.
In the case of Rejection, You Build Resilience
You will build resilience in the face of rejection and know that your work hasn’t ended. When you survive the first rejection it is most likely that the next won’t hit you so badly
It brings Sympathy
Very few people will notice anything wrong with you till you ask them for help. Yes, you might not get exactly what you want but you may get care and sympathy.
People who ask for help will seldom commit suicide more than those who don’t because they feel cared for even at the least.
It Helps you Handle Rejection
Rejection is a part of life, but it is a hard part I must say. Everyone faces it. The more you ask for help, the more you know how to handle rejection.
It Gives you Relief and Happiness
When help is given to you, you get relief, happiness, and gratitude. You’ll never have gotten any of these awesome feelings if you just sat in your closet and mourned all day.
It’s good to ask for help. It is good to take your chances especially when there’s much joy to gain.
It Develops your Mindset
A biased mind fears community, and a mind that fears community will fear being vulnerable or asking for help
It is mature that seek help. Only those who have examined their lives know that they need the help of those they love.
So if you’re still thinking of making a help request, just do it. You’re brave, strong, and resilient and you need some help to get you moving alright.
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Here’s my advice for those who need physical, financial, educational, and emotional help. Go get it. If you hide and cry, only a few people will know and maybe they’ll know when it’s late. Other times nobody will know
