Gather round, all ye corrupt politicians and general ne’er-do-wells. For this article, I have a very interesting issue to discuss. I will talk about how you can rig the election in Nigeria.
What Are Elections?
Oh, come on. You’re not foolish. If you don’t know what an election is, you shouldn’t be reading this article. An election is simply a formal and organized choice by a person’s vote for a political office or any other position.
An electoral system or voting system is a set of rules that determine how elections and referendums are conducted and how their results are selected. Nigeria recently just concluded its presidential elections (a sham if you ask me but no, you didn’t), and some politicians were elected to fill positions within the Federal Government.
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What is Rigging?
This has nothing to do with subsistence farming, I assure you. When it comes to elections, by rigging we mean foul play. Illegality. Cheating. Ojoro. Rigging can make one candidate surpass the other even when there is hardly credible evidence to support it.
You might be surprised, wondering how this is possible in a democratic government, but it is very possible, indeed.
Especially when the political class is completely corrupt.
5 Ways To Rig An Election In Nigeria
Now that we have discussed the terms election and rigging, let’s proceed to the icing on the cake. I’m sure you brought your notes for this one, seeing as the gubernatorial elections take place in a few days.
I’ll proceed without further ado.
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Bribery
I will also call this vote buying, and rightly so.
Bribery, the sister of corruption, has done so much for the political elite that they can never consider any alternate means of conducting transactions. I mean, why should they, when the same trick works year after year without fail? It is not them I blame.
It is their audience. The impoverished masses that sell their votes for as little as 2k. Those who can’t imagine a future beyond their next meal. Those with no hope for a better country. While I understand that it is only because the system keeps failing them and they expect nothing else, I still blame them all.
And if that’s bad, it’s nothing compared to the ones actually in power who still collect bribes. The top and middle guns in the electoral committee. I mean, how else can you rig an election if the electoral committee is not a party to your sham? So, dearest corrupt politician, if you want to rig an election, bribery should be your first option.
Tribalism
Honestly, if this article had been written before the elections, I doubt this factor will be under it. But it took firsthand experience to really see how deep the roots of tribalism are in our country. Can you imagine not selecting the most suitable candidate for office only because he comes from a different ethnic group? How callous and ignorant must you be to judge a person based on his place of origin?
Pretty foolish, I say.
And this is the case with many Nigerians today. Many, not all. Because while the underdogs bicker and lash themselves, the political elite (made up of thieves from all major ethnic groups, even beyond) stand in unity. Tribalism is only a bait they use to lure the poverty-stricken and idiotic and it almost always works.
Truly a shame, I admit.
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Threats and Intimidation
Great leaders inspire through influence. Bad leaders use threats and intimidation.
In fact, this is the surest way to rig an election in Nigeria. The political elite has their band of thugs on standby. The dogs (I mean thugs) are ready to bark and bite the moment the whistle is blown. They are ready to raise hell should the need arise, and there seems to be no end to the menace.
Over the course of the Nigerian presidential election, which lasted over two days, we heard a series of reports from all parts of the country in regard to heightened insecurity. From the destruction of ballot boxes to harassment of both electoral officials and voters, there is no end to the possibilities of intimidation. In the worst of cases, some of these political thugs commit murder and the destruction of private property.
Of course, seeing as the security forces are compromised, there is not much hope in that regard. So if you want to rig any election, be sure to have henchmen either on or off the radar who are ready to wage fire and blood.
You might need them.
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Forgery & Manipulation
This is another way to rig an election in Nigeria. Fake it till you make it, they say, and corrupt politicians take that literally. How else did one particular dimwit (I won’t call names here) generate thousands of electoral votes that did not coincide with the voter turnout for the election?
Forgery is usually encouraged as a last resort because of its illicit nature, and for good reason. Forgery could make you lose your job. It could bring shame to your reputation. It could even bring you jail time if they find you complicit.
Compromise the System
To me, this is the most important. In fact, it is so important that all the other ways won’t work if this way is not set. Because all the rigging and forgery in the world will have no bearing on a voting system that is fundamentally upright.
But when the system itself is corrupt, then it becomes second nature for the election to be bogus. Rigging will fly and they will manipulate results to suit their favored candidate. So, if you want to rig an election in Nigeria, I will say the floor is set for you. Our electoral system is rife with corruption and no one can pretend that it isn’t. Just makes your slick moves and apply enough pressure, and the system takes care of the rest.
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A Last Word From Battabox
Oh, look at the time. We finished early today. Now you know how to be a snake. I’m sure your parents must be proud. Don’t ever say Battabox did nothing for you.
If you have any questions, please don’t ask them.
