Mixing social media and relationships is not necessarily a bad thing because romanticizing other people’s relationships is not a new concept. However, relationships on social media, while different from a movie script as they show real couples living real lives, are also not quite different from movies.
Because, more often than not, they only show the rosy side of things. The glamor and beauty. This can lead to unhealthy comparisons and unrealistic expectations for what relationships are supposed to be like, and couples may spend more time curating an “image” of who they are rather than focusing on the relationship itself.
Also, sharing too much on social media can lessen intimacy in a relationship, and sharing too little can cause others to question the authenticity of it.
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Social media, if used sparingly, is not necessarily bad for relationships. Research has shown social media use can both positively and negatively affect relationships, depending on how it’s used.
Here are some of the negative impacts of mixing social media and relationships:
Creates unrealistic expectations
Although there are some useful resources shared via social media, what you will mostly see are curated and filtered posts that only highlight unrealistic images of what a relationship is. Social media is oftentimes filled with filtered and unrealistic images which can cause you to feel jealous or unsatisfied in your relationship.
Consequently, mixing social media and relationships and attempting to measure up to this can distract you and your partner from the relationship. Inevitably, real life won’t look like the endless highlight reels we see on social media, which can lead to disappointment in either yourself, your partner, or both.
Can make daily life seem less interesting
Imagine seeing a photo dump of a couple on vacation for the third time this year, while the last time your partner took you out for ice cream was in December. This can trigger feelings of envy, which can keep you from appreciating where you are in the present moment.
Another reason why mixing social media and relationships is a bad idea.
It can affect our mental health
Even though social media is meant to promote connection, multiple studies have linked social media use with loneliness, mood disorders, and poor self-esteem. Also, another study found that people with preexisting mental health issues may also be more susceptible to social comparisons, due to a negative cognitive bias.
And while these issues are more individualistic than relational, they can bleed into romantic relationships.
Can distract you from spending quality time with your partner
Mixing social media and relationships can prevent you from spending more time with your partner. The more we become hooked on the dopamine rush of social media, the less engaged or excited we will feel for the quieter, simpler moments of life.
However, those are often the moments when our loved one reveals something personal and intimate.
READ: Saying I Love You: When Is the Right Time to Say It?
Leads to jealousy
Some research has linked social media use with increased jealousy and relationship dissatisfaction in college students. The use of Facebook, in particular, has been shown to increase feelings of suspicion and jealousy in romantic relationships among college students.
If you are prone to jealousy because of an insecure attachment style, research says you may be more likely to get stuck in a cycle of endless scrolling to keep an eye on your partner’s activities.
People may get upset seeing their partner liking or commenting on other people’s posts, stoking concerns that their partner is interested in other people (or worse, is already cheating).
It can make us more narcissistic
Research confirms that addictive social media use reflects a need to feed the ego and an attempt to improve self-esteem, both of which are narcissistic traits. And different types of social media play into different aspects of narcissism.
For example, people who frequently tweet or post selfies may be displaying grandiosity, one of the common traits of narcissism. And of course, being in a relationship with a narcissist is not healthy and can lead to trauma later on.
SEE: Narcissism: A Beautiful Delusion
A 2013 study found that, among couples who had been together for less than three years, spending more time on Facebook was linked with more “Facebook-related conflict” and negative relationship outcomes.
Another study found that those who are dating people who overshare on social media tend to have lower relationship satisfaction, even though positive posts about the relationship itself every now and then seemed to mediate that effect temporarily.
Social Media And Relationships: Positive Effects
Mixing social media and relationships, as mentioned above, is not always a bad thing. Social media also has the potential to positively impact your relationship in the following ways:
Helps single people meet
Social media is a great way to meet single people. In an age where a lot more happens virtually, meeting people online and forming relationships and friendships that way seems to be the story of how a lot of people meet these days.
Social media can connect you to single groups, adventure groups, dates, and new friends, all from your home. It can be a great way to get to know someone with very little risk.
Connects long-distance couples
Social media can be useful for couples in a long-distance relationship. If they have to be long-distance for a period of time, social media can help them feel more connected. They have easy access to one another’s everyday lives and moments they otherwise would not be privy to.
It’s like a time capsule of memories
Social media platforms have practically replaced printed photograph albums as a place to store and share our memories. In this sense, it can be used to honor the activities you do and the things you create together.
And unlike a physical photo album, social media has the added component of followers. This makes it an institutionalized way to express love publicly and invite community support, both of which enhance a couple’s ability to flourish.
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It can keep you connected to your partner
Whether it’s by sending a funny meme over Instagram or taking a quick Snapchat, social media is an easy way for couples to interact throughout the day in a fun, low-pressure manner.
Also, people who have their partner in their profile photo or have their relationship status public on Facebook also tend to be happier with their relationship, for what that’s worth.
You can learn about relationships from experts
There are tons of accounts that offer good information to help develop and maintain a healthy connection. Lots of good information on social media from relationship bloggers, psychotherapists, and many others that highlight how to improve your relationship.
As long as it’s coming from a place of growth and not comparison, this type of social media can motivate you to work on parts of the relationship that have been neglected.
Social Media and Relationships: Signs of Negative Effects
Here are some signs that social media is affecting your relationship:
- A feeling of distance or disconnect
- Learning about important events in your partner’s life through social media instead of directly from them
- Secrecy between the two of you regarding your social media accounts and posts
- Decreased quality time together (particularly in the evenings, which should be time for the two of you to reconnect at the end of the day)
- Obsessively checking your partner’s social media to make sure they are not doing something you disapprove of
- An increase in conflict regarding social media use, posts, etc.
- Negative body image issues due to comparisons or unrealistic standards on social media
Social Media and Relationships: How To Fix It
- Be Cognizant of What You Are Posting
- Set Boundaries Regarding Social Media Time
- Communicate & Find Compromises When Needed
- Plan Quality Time Together Weekly
- Be Transparent & Honest
- Try a Social Media Detox
Bottom Line On Social Media And Relationships
Social media can connect us, but there are also pitfalls. It may be a problem in your relationship if you and your partner are having conflicts over (or spurred by) social media or are spending less quality time together.
If this is the case, you can take these steps to keep your relationship strong and put social media in its proper place.
Social media can have both positive and negative effects on your relationships. When you manage your social media usage in a healthy way, your relationships are likely to reap the benefits.
