Nobody tells you that adulthood comes with losing friends. Everyone has to learn that the hard way. Life comes with various changes and as you progress, you may not have the same people in your corner.
There are many reasons why friendships end, which include distance, and communication problems. However, one thing you don’t end to do is to beat yourself up about the separation.
Friendship breakups
A friendship breakup happens when you and your friend stop being friends. For anyone reading this, I would like you to know that friendship breakups are very normal. We make a lot of friends throughout our time on earth. You can’t be friends with everyone as you advance in life. It doesn’t work that way.
A friendship breakup causes sadness, anger, confusion, and a sense of loss, as well as feelings of betrayal and abandonment. Generally, people feel embarrassed to talk about it, because they feel rejected. It can be difficult to accept that a relationship that once meant so much has ended or changed.
Friendships play a massive role in your health, most importantly mentally and emotionally. Friends ultimately become family as they grow older. For a girl, you no longer have a friend but a sister. So when it ends, it can make a huge difference. You wonder how you can cope without the support of that friendship.
Akua Boateng, a psychologist concludes that “Friendship breakups can be very challenging because a close friend is someone who you rely on for emotional support, continuity, socialization, and processing.”
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Why do friends breakup?
Even though it is normal, you can still try to fix your friendship issues. Although in some cases it may not always happen naturally, there are many causes for a friendship breakup.
Distance
Distance plays a huge role in relationships. You know that saying “out of mind is out of sight”? Well, if you have a particular friend that you have not seen for a long while, it is inevitable that when you see them, things may be awkward.
So, I once had this close male friend in school. It was beautiful and completely platonic. After we both graduated, I thought it would still be the same – the way we were so close, but it was all in my head.
Unfortunately, it felt like I was the only one holding on to the friendship. The minute I stopped reaching out, that was the last time I heard from him.
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Toxic friendships
Another reason is toxic relationships. We’ve all had that friend that we have problems with; they are either manipulative or bad influences. We can be that friend too. Friendships can become too damaging to continue, and because you’re so connected, it’s difficult to cut ties.
You owe it to yourself to break such ties with the person, even though it may hurt you. Remember that the company you keep reflects on your behaviors and actions.
Failed communication
Communication is essential, but not many people are good communicators. Every person should be able to convey their needs, boundaries, and expectations, but some people don’t listen whenever you talk.
I’ll speak about another time – I once complained to my male friend that I was the only one putting in the effort, and he promised to do better. Well, he didn’t. I continued to speak about the problems but he did nothing.
If your friend fails to listen to you, well… it may be time to think about minimizing that person’s access to you.
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The truth about friendship breakups
Okay, let’s agree on this. Romantic relationship breakups are painful, but friendship breakups can hurt just as badly. Some partners come and go, but with friends, there’s so much history and memories.
Think about it: You have to break up with a partner to move on to someone new, but nothing is stopping you from avoiding a friendship breakup indefinitely, putting off the confrontation, and hanging out with some other people instead.
Friendship breakups are normal. You will meet someone and the person may not be your friend for that long; I have come to learn that people have seasons in your life. A person’s time in life can come to an end. I thought about my estranged male friend and all the impact he made in my life- he was there for me when I needed him. He was there to assist me for that season. As human beings, we grow and go through various paths in life and we will meet new people along the way.
Just because we are not friends anymore doesn’t mean I don’t wish him well. Do I get sad over old memories and want to reach out again? Of course. But I remember that sometimes, it’s just okay to let some people go.
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Remember the saying, “If you love someone, set them free”. Although a version of that quote ends with “…and hunt them down later”, but let’s not go there, okay?
How to prevent friendship breakups
Some days, you can also fight for friendships; if you see that there are problems in your relationship, don’t keep it to yourself. Try to talk about it. Don’t expect your friend to be a mind reader. Tell them how you feel and then after they know, see how they change their actions.
This will give you the information you need to decide whether or not you want that relationship to continue.
Very importantly, if someone’s presence in your life gives you pain emotionally or physically, then it’s time to terminate the friendship. You may go around in circles and try to fight it. It’s okay, people have a hard time ending friendships. If you’re pulling the plug, be as clear and as gentle as possible.
Let them know you prioritize your health more. You could say “You probably noticed we haven’t been hanging out more so than usual, but I feel like my life is going differently. As much as this pains me, I wanted to be honest with you and tell you I won’t be hanging out as much. I’m glad we’ve had a friendship, but I don’t think we’re a good fit anymore.“
If they promise to change and do better, that’s good. If not, then it’s fine to go your separate ways.
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It is also important to realize that your friend may be busy or going through difficult times. Choose to be there for them. If that doesn’t work out, let them go. Cherish the time you have with the friends you have now. Even if things go south, you have your memories to live off.
Conclusion
It is important to remember that friendships naturally wax and wane. Don’t beat yourself up for not being friends with someone anyone. Just because it ended doesn’t mean you pretend like the person doesn’t exist. Their story in your life is still valuable! The memories are there!
To get used to it, try writing down all of your feeling in a journal, and talk to a therapist about it. Most importantly, just because friendship breakups are normal, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t fight for the people in your life. Some people are worth the trouble.
Remember when you’ve had enough, take a break.
